When is a shortcut not a shortcut? Intuition in the fen …
13 Jan 2012 1 Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: coaching, inspiraton, integrity, intuition, passion, personal development, short-cut
Where do you connect with your intuition? When do shortcuts serve you? What are you going to hang on to this year?
So, I’m a little sluggish after Christmas and found myself ambling rather than marching … Did my usual sun salutations having erupted from the thicket and continued through the skylark field as usual, pondering upon intuition and how it works for me. I most frequently receive intuitive hits for my clients whilst in the shower in the mornings. They show up as images or more interestingly snatches of poetry or songs (I wish I had a bigger poetry repertoire, I’m sure I’d be more use!)
Recently I was given “When kingfishers catch fire, dragonflies drawer flame” which is in a Gerard Manley Hopkins poem. Hopkins meant it to mean the reflected glory of God. For this client however, it was all about their incredibly inspiring passion. When ignited, their passion shines out and lights up everyone they come into contact with. There are moments, in all our lives, when we wish we could find the right words to express ourselves enough to inspire those around us. When were you so enflamed by something that you were driven to ignite the passions of your fellow man? (I’m not talking road rage here …) When were you so consumed by a topic that you felt compelled to inform and persuade others? Their lies the heart of your passion and what, perhaps you might be focusing your time on.
The other morning I received “and the camels galled, sore footed, refractory, Lying down in the melting snow” (the strangely seasonal, if a little late, Journey of the Magi, by T S Eliot) and had no idea what this would mean to my 9.30am client who had been away from coaching for six months. Sure enough this Global V P had lost their vision and was portraying more camel than King! Reconnected with their magisterial qualities and vision, they left the coaching motivated to take up their position in the world.
So, back to wobbling in the fen … in contrast to the shower, this is where I draw on intuition and indeed inspiration more generally. This morning, rushing back for an early client, I was unable to do the full circuit down to the river and passed the pigs, so took a short cut. The track was riven with tractor tracks and potholes from 4 x 4s filled with oozing mud and brown puddles. The dyke had been scraped out by a digger and so was lined with a perilously steep mound of slippery mud with a significant drop into the dark dyke below. There I was, more sasquatch than mountain goat, wearing seven layers, a furry hat and mud engulfed walking boots, leaping from puddle island to pinnacle. Each leap jolting my poor stiff body from “ouch” after “ouch” after an hour of Just Dance III at the weekend.
I began to wonder how often it is we take so called “shortcuts” only to find them painful, stressful and risky? A great believer in expediency where possible, still I sometimes find only playing full-out is enough. There are obvious examples in diet and exercise but abandoned “quality time” with our nearest and dearest can have us pay a heavy price. And how often do we say “it’ll do” – only to feel hurt, ashamed or cheated for ourselves or others. One of the hardest things I come across is people losing their integrity. It’s not so much the broken promises to other people, although of course that’s bad enough; it’s not being true to ourselves, breaking the promises to ourselves that wears us down and diminishes us in our own eyes. I think sometimes we get all excited and make too many goals, plans and commitments … we break one, so give up and break them all. If you can hang on to one thing this year have it be integrity … with yourself.
COMPLETION FOR 2011
29 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: coaching, completion, exercise, journal, personal development
I am posting you a short exercise for completing 2011 and starting 2012. I have borrowed liberally from other coaching colleagues (who borrowed from colleagues…) and I thank them for it.
“Completion” doesn’t mean that things are finished, or
that things are rosy. Rather, completion is about
making things whole, or fully letting things be as
they are, or as they are not. When something is
incomplete, it drains energy from you, and hangs
around like ghosts. When you complete with something,
or someone, you take that energy back. You accept (a
loss), or celebrate (a win), or you just simply decide
to complete the incomplete. Often times, a ritual
helps, like burning the worksheet, or popping a
champagne bottle. You get to be imaginative.
So, here are some things you can do on your own, or
with a friend or partner or coach. It can be a
wonderful time to share and be intimate.
COMPLETING THE OLD: 2011
Step One
Looking at all the areas of your life, reflect on
2011.
1. List all of your Wins, Gains, and Breakthroughs.
And mark each one as either Complete or Incomplete.
Next, find a date in which you might want to complete
an incomplete item. For example, you finished a
marathon, but you haven’t completed on the fundraising
side. Set Feb 1 to complete that. I sometimes find
that with a win or a success, that what completes the
win is some kind of ritual to celebrate and
acknowledge myself.
2. List all of your Losses, Disappointments, and
Breakdowns. (And accept them.)
And again, mark each one to see if you are complete or
incomplete, and set a date to complete them. (You
might not know HOW to complete, never mind, just set a
date.)
Step Two
Look at 6-8 lessons you have learned this past year
that you want to carry into 2012. Remember, when
thinking of what to include, that you will want to
consciously use these lessons in the coming year.
Here are some examples:
I learned:
• to let go of circumstances I cannot control
• to listen to my own voice and intuition
• to ask for help and support
• to salsa dance and I want more of it next year.
In a coaching session, we could look at this list,
refine it and clarify the lessons learned.
CREATING THE NEW — 2012
Step One
• Imagine ahead to December 2012
• Write a list of your Wins, Gains, and Breakthroughs for 2012. Be specific and write them as though they have already happened or they happen routinely.
(For example, “I have a lucrative and satisfying
career.”) Look at each area of your life and make the
list as long as you like. In your coaching session, we
will look at how to make this list happen.
Step Two
- Give the year to come a Name. If next year was a
movie, what would it’s title be? Some past names have
been: Year of “Life is Delicious!” Year of ”No Kidding “
This process is yours to make your own. Many clients
have loved the focus it brings to the New Year and the
opportunity to consciously create your life. Make 2012
your most potent, enJOYable year so far!
HANDY WORKSHEET:
COMPLETING THE OLD 2011
Wins, Gains and Breakthroughs for 2011
Complete? Needed to be complete.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
Losses, Disappointments and Breakdowns for 2011
Complete? Needed to be complete.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
5-7 Lessons to Take from 2011 into 2012
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
Creating the New 2012
Wins, Gains and Breakthroughs for 2012
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
My Name for The Year 2012 is ____________
Friends for a reason, season or lifetime
03 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: coaching, friend, friendship, life, season
PEOPLE COME INTO YOUR LIFE FOR A REASON
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then,without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is tha t our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season!
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
I came across this in an email I had saved for five years so I thought I’d put it here for posterity. Would love to know your thoughts, it certainly rang true for me.
Being Present: it’s a gift!
29 Nov 2011 2 Comments
in Uncategorized Tags: balance, coaching, fulfilment, present
Have you ever driven home and cannot remember the last 3 miles of the journey? Your mind was elsewhere: you were not fully present.
OK, so no big deal, we all do it. But what do we miss?
What do we miss … When we are sitting there with our children, half listening to them burble on about their day while still ruminating some report due in tomorrow or how we can get cleared up in time for XFactor. “hmm… yes, that’s nice dear … now run along and do your homework”
What do we miss, when we are so busy stuck inside ourselves planning? I know I have forgotten really fun events because I was busy in my head planning the next thing.
What do we miss when we are so busy thinking what to say next, we don’t actually listen to what they have to say. “Did you say mice … you should see the rat in our barn … we were going to saddle it up and take it to Newmarket”.
Being present in our lives means that we fully experience every minute.
Life takes on a different quality and somehow all our senses are more available to us. We no longer walk to work with a furrowed brow working out everything we have to do in the day, we notice where we are walking, what is the landscape or the architecture, who are we passing – do they smile: do we?
Living is about fully experiencing every moment of our lives not just passing through. Co-Active Coaching is about three things your fulfilment, life balance and being fully witness to your life: Being fully present.
Make it count
01 Aug 2011 2 Comments
in Uncategorized Tags: advice, business advice, coaching, influencing, speaking, teenage cancer trust
I had a call recently from a former client inviting me to speak at her Business Women’s Networking Group. She had seen me deliver a twenty minute presentation four years before. The audience was a group of aspiring business women about to complete their business studies degrees at Cambridge Anglia Ruskin University. My client commented that my recommendations about “Buying Cycles” had had a profound effect on her – positively influencing the way she did her marketing. I was, of course, flattered that my presentation had such an impact; the problem was I couldn’t remember the presentation or the key message which she had taken away from it.
The presentation was on Monday morning after a fashion show on Saturday night, with all the clearing up on the Sunday. I had been working around the clock to produce a huge fashion show in Cambridge for Teenage Cancer Trust, which was the culmination of two years work and had been a huge success, raising £25,000 for a new cancer unit for teenagers at Addenbrookes Hospital in Cambridge.
Networking and business is something I’m pretty comfortable with, the presentation would have been written and learned in advance, so I guess I was on autopilot, promptly forgetting all about it. Still I can’t find the speech or the notes for it.
So, in true Co-Active Coaching style … what’s the learning?
When given the opportunity to share expertise, make it count. It is generally understood that people sometimes take away only two key points from a training course. This is why, incidentally, to maximise results from training, follow-up coaching is such a great idea and a really positive investment, but I digress …
- My Dad once said that we are influenced by everyone we meet. That chat you have at the coffee machine tomorrow morning could change someone’s life … Be willing to share; however disposable your thoughts may be to you, to another it could something they carry with them always.
- I could have refused the booking … “I’ll be too tired” … but then my message would not have reached my client (and she perhaps would never have become a client!) So, no matter what your self-limiting beliefs say … if you have something that will make a positive difference to people, don’t hold back. Don’t let “too tired”, “too scared to do public speaking”, “no-one will listen to me” … stop you. Just do it!
What action will I take from this?
No matter how short the presentation, keep the notes and file them carefully – in four years time you might want to look back and find out the exact words that counted.
A change of perspective
28 Jun 2011 4 Comments
As I march through the fen in the still and misty morning my head begins to clear. The grass feels wet and cold against my ankles and the intrusive A10 already a distant rumble in these early hours. Running through my “To Do” list, my monkey brain is quietened by the rhythmic swish-swish of my pace. The path, like a verdant tunnel is lined with cow parsley and overhanging hawthorn, opening into the endless, flat fields. A lark’s song fills the air.
It always brings me back to Shakespeare’s Sonnet 29 (see below) which I was forced to learn at college in the States (rote learning was unfashionable in England which felt very progressive but now seems rather sad). Shakespeare so brilliantly sums up how changing our perspective can be so fast and so uplifting.
We all feel negative at times … raging against the world; wishing we were someone else, able to do what they do, have all the friends they have, blaming everything including ourselves for our current condition. Shakespeare shows us how quickly a perspective can change. In the blink of an eye, he thinks of the person he loves – his heart soars and he wouldn’t change places with anyone.
OK, so thinking about my other half does not always emote such lofty feelings, (we’ve been together for years and years) … but I can achieve a similar shift of perspective by just thinking of the things for which I am most grateful.
No really, I know it sounds all Pollyanna but try it … it works. I make a note of three things I am most grateful for in life, if not in the moment, in my journal. For example:
“I am grateful for my lovely home”, this saves hours of my time pouring over the property pages and helps me embrace housework (well, do it, at least!). I am not constantly looking for better and so have removed quite a bit of self-imposed stress and spend my time more productively.
Gratitude shows up how important certain people are in my life, which can be quite surprising – even my postman gets a mention! I started to look for the positive in my nearest and dearest so I had something to journal! My attitude began to change from expectation to appreciation. They began to notice the difference and I feel sure my relationships have strengthened as a result.
Other times I try and be grateful for aspects of me –body, mind or character traits which help support me in life (for example Thunder Thighs become strong and healthy legs to move around on – yeah, I know it’s a bit of a stretch and my gremlins have a field day, but it makes me laugh – and that in itself is an instant shift in perspective).
It’s also incredibly grounding – not taking for granted who and what I have in my life right now, not regretting the past or wishing for the future – living in the moment. When my mind is in a spin, juggling work, social and family life, thinking of my gratitude statements changes my perspective in a second.
When I begin to notice a pattern forming of what or who I am grateful for, it can be a clue as to where to spend more of my time. Obvious when it’s a person, but when it’s a character trait? I spend time developing that character trait – reading, taking a course, noticing how and when I use it most successfully. For example: talking … “verbal diarrhoea” my Dad calls it, but through Toastmasters and lots of practice, public speaking has become a rewarding addition to my career.
By bringing our attention to our strengths, by strengthening our relationships and by grounding us in the present, gratitude gives us a powerful platform from which to pursue our goals. Once we are aware of the things for which we are most grateful, we can make sure our goals support them and have them support our goals … a win: win situation.
William Shakespeare – Sonnet #29
When, in disgrace with Fortune and men’s eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,
Desiring this man’s art, and that man’s scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least,
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven’s gate
For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings,
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.
